Again, March 6th doesn't pass on the calendar without sadness and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. This was possibly one of the most difficult days of my life, March 6, 2001....I wrote last year on this date about the hurts and struggles of having a miscarriage and those feelings still ring true. It is still painful. I wonder at times, will I ever forget about March 6th, 2001? When I am old will March 6th still evoke feelings of pain and loss? I often wonder, what if that baby had lived? We knew there was potential to have a child with some severe complications. Would I be at home raising a child with medical conditions, with physical or mental disabilities? Would we have attempted to have more children? Would Creighton be here today? I don't know the big picture, but I do know that God took good care of all of us. Prayers were answered, although at the time, I thought God was ignoring my desperate plea....
(The following is an excerpt from my last year's post)
I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.
Isaiah 44:2
March 6, 2001
I know it is not 2001, however, this date has some significance to me and probably always will. March 6th will never pass on the calendar without creating a sad and heavy heart in me. This is the day that the little baby I was carrying inside me passed on. I carried this baby for three and a half months and loved her like every mother loves her unborn child. I heard her heartbeat, I saw her on the ultrasound and I never hurt so bad as the day that she was gone. For three and a half months I knew that I was carrying a baby that had very severe defects and if it was viable, we would be facing some serious complications. It was a very stressful three months not knowing what the future would hold for our family. I begged and pleaded with God every day to somehow fix it all. And He did. Although it hurt, I knew that there was a reason for my loss and I knew that it was all part of bigger picture that I may never understand.
The day is still very vivid in my mind. I won't go into the graphic details and I do hope that someday those details fade. I never asked, "why me", but instead I harbored this inner struggle and dark spot in my heart that I knew I would have until I felt my family was complete.
Trials are used to shape character in a person and in a family. And as Rick Warren states in "The Purpose Driven Life" (which I am reading for about the third time), the good news is that God never allows the tests you face to be greater than the grace He gives you to handle them.
After experiencing a painful loss, I have learned that the miracle of life truly is a miracle. And, I have never felt so blessed as each time that I have been chosen to be a child's mother. All three times....
(The following is an excerpt from my last year's post)
I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.
Isaiah 44:2
March 6, 2001
I know it is not 2001, however, this date has some significance to me and probably always will. March 6th will never pass on the calendar without creating a sad and heavy heart in me. This is the day that the little baby I was carrying inside me passed on. I carried this baby for three and a half months and loved her like every mother loves her unborn child. I heard her heartbeat, I saw her on the ultrasound and I never hurt so bad as the day that she was gone. For three and a half months I knew that I was carrying a baby that had very severe defects and if it was viable, we would be facing some serious complications. It was a very stressful three months not knowing what the future would hold for our family. I begged and pleaded with God every day to somehow fix it all. And He did. Although it hurt, I knew that there was a reason for my loss and I knew that it was all part of bigger picture that I may never understand.
The day is still very vivid in my mind. I won't go into the graphic details and I do hope that someday those details fade. I never asked, "why me", but instead I harbored this inner struggle and dark spot in my heart that I knew I would have until I felt my family was complete.
Trials are used to shape character in a person and in a family. And as Rick Warren states in "The Purpose Driven Life" (which I am reading for about the third time), the good news is that God never allows the tests you face to be greater than the grace He gives you to handle them.
After experiencing a painful loss, I have learned that the miracle of life truly is a miracle. And, I have never felt so blessed as each time that I have been chosen to be a child's mother. All three times....
I know that there are many, many women out there that face this same struggle. And I hope by having the courage to share my heart someone else will be able to say, "me too...I have that same pain. Yes, there are many of us. And it is ok to hurt."
1 comment:
thank you for sharing your heart heather. i am so sorry for your loss.
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